L'Italo-Americano

THURSDAY, JUNE 26, 2025 www.italoamericano.org 12 L'Italo-Americano S p e a k i n g l i k e a n Italian is part ver- bal, part theatri- cal, and – let's be honest – entirely contagious. On any street in Italy, conversation feels l i k e a p e r f o r m a n c e : a r m s wave, eyebrows arch, voices overlap: it starts with a sim- ple "Ciao!" and turns into a f r i e n d l y c o m p e t i t i o n o f expression that's as much a b o u t h e a r t a s i t i s a b o u t words. And yes, you'll find tiny but meaningful differ- ences across regions, from Milan's measured tone to Naples's musical intonation. L e t ' s b e g i n w i t h t h e basics. Italians love to fill space in c o n v e r s a t i o n . S i l e n c e ? A l m o s t n e v e r . I n s t e a d , there's a natural humility- free flood of words, ques- tions, and opinions. Pause too long, and someone will jump in to fill it, but it's not rude: it's interactive. In the north, speech stays polite and structured, but in the south, people will interrupt, overlap, and laugh so freely it sounds like chaos until you realize it's more akin to har- m o n y . T h a t o v e r l a p p i n g , actually, signals interest, not d i s a g r e e m e n t , s o i f y o u r friends in Puglia speak over y o u , i t p r o b a b l y m e a n s they're invested in the topic. Directness is appreci- ated, but there are limits: in other words, no need to bite a r o u n d t h e b u s h b u t s t a y kind. Another thing Italians like is honesty, but avoid politics or religion unless someone starts it, because there is a clear line between open hearts and what may be considered private bound- aries. As we all know, gestures do the heavy lifting in any I t a l i a n c o n v e r s a t i o n , s o much so that around 250 of them have been identified: a s i l e n t v o c a b u l a r y o f t h e i r o w n . S o m e o f t h e m a r e famous, like the classic fin- ger purse, where you tip your fingers together and wobble them up and down – "Che vuoi?" – "What do you want?" Mostly found in cen- tral and southern Italy, it expresses disbelief or impa- tience, while in the north, that same move means "Get l o s t . " T h e f r o n t i e r r u n s r o u g h l y a l o n g t h e L a Spezia–Rimini line: north of it means one thing, south another. But there are other gestures crossing regional b o u n d a r i e s , l i k e t h e c h e e k t w i s t – w h e n y o u twist a finger across a cheek – which broadly translates t o " D e l i c i o u s " o r " C u t e . " Flicking the chin back ("chin f l i c k " ) c a n m e a n " n o " i n N a p l e s o r " g o a w a y " i n Milan, so tread carefully. Always keep in mind that h a n d s a r e n ' t e x t r a s , they're essential punctua- tion, used to add emphasis as if your thoughts deserve exclamation points in mid- air. V o i c e a n d v o l u m e v a r y , t o o . I n R o m e a n d Naples, louder voices sug- gest excitement, not aggres- sion; in Turin or Verona, conversations might sound like whispers: still warm, but more restrained. Eye con- tact is widely expected: you look at the person you're addressing; careful though b e c a u s e t o o m u c h g a z e , though, can be seen as con- f r o n t a t i o n a l . N e e d l e s s t o say, touch and proximity matter: Italians are Mediter- r a n e a n s , i n t h e e n d , a n d that's why they tend to stand closer than Americans, at about an arm's length. Some of them may hug or pat your back when speaking; others may just shake your hand but remember, but always with warmth. R e g i o n a l w o r d s c a n add some extra flavor, too. I n T u s c a n y , f o r e x a m p l e , people say "boh" for "I don't k n o w " w i t h a s h r u g ; i n R o m e , y o u m i g h t h e a r "daje!" to mean "come on, l e t ' s g o , " a n d i n N a p l e s "statte bbuono" means "take it easy" or "be careful." If someone from Umbria says "sci," they probably mean "yes." Wherever you are in the country, always remember that conversation is paced by cultural expectations: in the north, punctuality at a dinner or appointment mat- ters, and you should always arrive within five minutes. In the south, arriving 10–15 minutes late to social visits is polite; regardless of the location, once there, don't s t a n d s t i l l , m o v e t o w a r d p e o p l e , k e e p t a l k i n g , because if you sit and stay quiet, people might think you're upset. When dinner time arrives, expect chatter about the food, wine, soccer, family news, with frequent overlapping sentences; if someone suggests you try the pasta, you say, "Volen- tieri!" If offered again, "Gra- zie, molto gentile." Under all circumstances, never forget about humor: Italians enjoy teasing, sar- casm, irony, and the occa- s i o n a l s e l f - d e p r e c a t i n g aside: "You? A chef?" might mean "you cook well," said with a grin. So, avoid taking teasing personally, because teasing in Italy is just a sign of affection: joke back or smile and continue. If you d o l a u g h , h o w e v e r , d o s o fully: a little laugh can be viewed as a lack of engage- ment. When it comes to digital c o m m u n i c a t i o n , o l d e r Italians prefer calls, while y o u n g e r p e o p l e t e x t a n d emoji away. But even there, expect energetic punctua- t i o n : e x c l a m a t i o n m a r k s , heart emojis, and animated G I F s t o e x p r e s s w a r m t h . Silence in messages is rarer: even a "Grazie!" shows you care. Last, we shouldn't forget some extra, region-specif- ic rules. In southern Italy, for instance, it's polite to c o m p l i m e n t a w o m a n ' s cooking or style even if it's j u s t m o d e s t , w h i l e i n t h e north, nodding in apprecia- tion may suffice. In Tuscany, c a l l i n g s o m e o n e " z i o " (uncle) even if unrelated can b e f r i e n d l y a n d i n R o m e , close friends may call each other "bello de mamma." Ultimately, speaking like an Italian is about presence: touch, voice, gesture, facial tune; it's enthusiastic, some- times loud, but never cold; it welcomes you in and pushes y o u t o j o i n . L e a r n i n g t o overlap, joke, and gesture isn't stealing cultural habits, it's more like participating in them: Italians won't say it outright, but if you speak with hands, heart, and eyes, they'll welcome you, and you might just end up with an invitation to dinner. So say "Ciao," lean in, move your hands with flair, laugh loud, and expect someone else to jump in before you finish. D e l i g h t i n t h e s m a l l g e s - t u r e s : " c h e v u o i ? " , c h e e k t w i s t , a r m h u g , h e a r t y "Daje!" That's the way Ital- ians express themselves. CHIARA D'ALESSIO Two Italians, one espresso each, and a conversation that could last all afternoon (Image created with DALL-E 2) The beautiful chaos of Italian conversations: loud, lyrical, and unapologetically alive LA VITA ITALIANA TRADITIONS HISTORY CULTURE

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