L'Italo-Americano

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2019 www.italoamericano.org 16 L'Italo-Americano LA VITA ITALIANA TRADITIONS HISTORY CULTURE C ear Readers, a Febru- ary minestrone of Italian Connections and Amore and mar- riage proverbs: "Sposa bagnata, sposa fortunata"  A wet bride is a lucky bride (referring to rain on the wedding day). "La moglie è la chiave di casa" The wife is the key to the house. "Tra moglie e marito... non mettere il dito" Don't put a finger between wife and husband. "Moglie e buoi... dai paesi tuoi" Wife and bulls (are better) from your home-town, because it's easier to do research or learn more about them. So important today with online dating sites. *** Aussie-Italian Humor: Marcel- lo (now Marc), formerly a buttero (Italian Cowboy) from the Maremma District of Italy near Tolfa, had immigrated to Texas many years ago. Now wealthy, he decided to visit some Aussie cugi- ni who settled in the Australian outback. Marcello was bragging to everyone how much bigger and better things were in Texas. Sud- denly, a kangaroo jumped in front of him. "What was that?" the startled Texan asked. The Aussie Italian leaned back and said, "You mean you don't have grasshoppers in Texas?" *** An ambasciate as the name suggests, is like an ambassador. In small towns and villages in Italy, well into the 1960s, his mission was usually of a roman- tic nature. Some refer to the ambasciate as marriage brokers but to me that implies they were in it to be paid and usually that was not the case. As a child, I remember my father saying that he had sent un ambasciate to my mother's house several times before he got the green light, because my mother had an older, unmarried sister, and according to tradition, the younger girls had to wait their turn. Fortunately, my father was persistent because Mama's older sister died at age 88, still unmar- ried. Family folklore had it that my Aunt Antonetta had once been the village beauty. With her emerald green eyes and long red auburn hair, she could have been in pictures. Having so many choices, she wanted uno fatto col pennello ("One painted with an artist brush"), bello, ricco e nobile, or handsome, rich and noble, or of good family. The ambasciate came and went. All received a big "no" for an answer. My father came along and decided to send a persuasive ambasciate to secure a "yes" response for Don Matteo's younger daughter Caterina. Although the dialects varied, you can certainly understand the connection between ambascia- tore or ambasciate to our English word "ambassador." Different name but same game, friendly persuasion. Back in the 1890s, our forbearers treated marriage as a family decision. The parents expected to take an active role in the selection of spouses for their children. Friends used as intermediates were a fairly common procedure, not only for clandestine contacts but also for the more proper arrangements between families. A friend both of the suitor and the girl's family had obvious advantages as a spokesman. A successful ruffianu was foremost a good salesman. His task was to build up the assets - personal and economic - of both parties. He had to present his best side to the family, to inspire con- fidence and to persuade. Even a lackluster suitor had a fighting chance with a convinc- ing speaker in his corner. The ruffianu would get individuals married off who, probably, would not have had the opportunity to marry otherwise, at least not as well. A shy young man could be rescued from obscurity by an aggressive ruffianu. Working his magic, the ruffi- anu would move from one family to the other until he had forged an arrangement agreeable to all. The ruffianu served the role of cupid by recognizing a compatible pair and planing the right thoughts in their heads. By the time his work was completed, the couple was all but fidanzati. If complications pre- vented a proper marriage, the ruf- fianu might not hesitate to plan an elopement. Even when the parents took the responsibility of arranging the matrimony, an ambasciatore was often asked to assist by beginning the dialogue between the two families. *** Men without material goods and brothers of poor girls also felt an obligation to them. Sisters would give to older brothers the same respect given to their fathers, and a sister was influ- enced by her brother's opinion regarding matters of heart. The brother, in turn, would willingly suffer hardship to guar- antee that his sister marry well. Men went to America to earn money for the sole purpose of providing sisters with adequate dowries. The dowry formed the founda- tion of the marriage's capital assets. The dowry items could be the only assets that the marriage would ever have. Once the dowry, often just blankets, sheets and pillowcases if poor, was put together and the marriage contract signed the next step would be taken. Il promesso sposo and his family would go to the house of la promessa sposa for the ceremony of la conoscen- za. Everyone would join in a sin- gle room, exchange greetings and engage for several minutes in trivial conversation about the weather and crops. Then the girl's parents would rise and say, "we have accepted the proposal from this family. This young man now enters into our home." The young lady remains quiet. In all likelihood, what has just been announced comes as no sur- prise, for she had taken part in the process. Her future mother-in law comes across the room for an embrace. Gifts are exchanged. The fidanzato kisses the hand of his fidanzata's parents and in a deeply symbolic gesture, sits down with them. The fidanzati are now com- mitted to each other and to mar- riage at some future date. In regions like Sicily, the ziti, con- tinue to be supervised until the wedding day. The engagement was a serious step for all involved. A broken engagement caused untold embarrassment to the families and created fresh gossip for the neighbors... *** I might mention that, in addi- tion to a good ambasciate, the serenade under the balcony of a loved one gave the musical males a slight edge. My father liked to sing, and decades later, la Serena- ta was a favorite memory my mother liked to share with her lady friends.

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